Are you angry enough to vote?

Are you angry enough to vote?
Elections Quebec Warning: Do Not Watch Image Repeatedly

Elections Quebec Warning: Do Not Watch Image Repeatedly

With the Quebec election just days away, there is growing concern that the arrival of good weather could result in low voter turnout, not because people may opt for sunshine over polling but because their happiness may make them ineligible to vote.

As most people know, Elections Québec requires that all voters be angry, paranoid, outraged and/or emotionally discombobulated on voting day if they wish to cast a ballot. It is a requirement that goes back nearly 40 years when the Quiet Revolution transformed into the Sullenly Brooding Revolution.

This being Quebec, usually voters have no problem passing the testiness test, and with this being one of the most hostile, mud-slingiest elections in recent memory, Elections Québec had been optimistic about pessimism, anticipating a high and overwrought turnout for Monday’s vote.

Election officials, in fact, had helped contribute to an increase in vexed voters by barring numerous students from registering – a seeming paradox until one remembers that those students were probably going to vote for the Green Party anyway, so no great loss.

Premier Pauline Marois even timed this election at the end of one of the longest, most miserable winters in years, knowing that an already ornery electorate would be more receptive to the Parti Québécois’s divisive and mean-spirited policies and would turn out in cranky droves at the polls. And we all know how uncomfortable cranky droves can be.

However, with temperatures Monday expecting to reach an unthinkable 13 degrees under sunny skies, it looks like the weather will be the final miscalculation of Marois’s campaign, as returning officers will have no choice but to ask every smiling face to do an about-face.

If you want to vote, then, it’s important between now and Monday to maintain optimum political peevishness.

maple milkFor example, if you are English or a Liberal supporter (which may be redundant), it is imperative to avoid the latest polls projecting a win for the Liberals, something that three weeks ago, like the weather, would have been unthinkable. These polls may cause feelings of euphoria and relief. Do not go to the polls optimistic! Certainly do not watch that video of Premier Marois pushing Pierre-Karl Peladeau away from the microphone because, I don’t know about you, but I laugh at that thing every time.

Instead, seek out videos of Bernard Drainville at the values charter hearings as he challenges, patronizes and rudely interrupts the presenters. Who’s laughing now? No one? Good.

Just as Janette Bertrand suggested that allowing a swimming pool to be men-only one day a week will inevitably lead to Islamic fundamentalism and human sacrifice (or something like that) so too must Anglos remind themselves that a PQ win will lead inevitably to a referendum, the further erosion of English rights and more human sacrifice. Do not remind yourself of this if human sacrifice is something you’re in favour of.

Keep reminding yourself also that a PQ win will result in a mass exodus of Quebec’s Anglophones to Ontario. ONTARIO!

Categories: News, Opinion, Politics

About Author

Ross Murray

Ross Murray is an award-winning humorist and radio contributor and the author of two books ‘You’re Not Going to Eat That, Are You?’ and ‘Don’t Everyone Jump at Once’. Raised in Nova Scotia, Ross has lived in the Eastern Townships of Quebec since the early 1990’s with his wife Debbie, four children and far too many pets. After all this time, Ross feels comfortable calling himself a Townshipper; his neighbours call him something else.

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