Ready, Set, Mow – but keep your shirt on!

Ready, Set, Mow – but keep your shirt on!

Quebec’s favourite ranty man is back, and this time Job Patstone is on the warpath about cutting your grass. Well, sort of…

What’s with men with no shirts?

Quebec City, June 11, 2015 – I’m not quite sure how I should tackle this subject but, one thing’s for sure, I don’t like it. I live on a street where most of my male neighbours expose themselves from the waist up as soon as the temperature goes above 24 degrees or 76 Fahrenheit, for those of you who still live in the 60’s.

They cut their grass, they weed their gardens, cook their BBQ’s and wash their cars wearing nothing but a bathing suit or a pair of shorts which usually fall beneath their bellies. Now this may or may not be a problem for some of you and mine isn’t the only neighbourhood where this is an issue but, for me it’s distasteful and disrespectful.

I can understand a young kid in his early twenties who works out and wants to show off his abs to the neighbours daughter or to the chicks in the “hood” who happen to walk by, but these guys I’m talking about are all over 65, have well developed pot bellies and have for the most part sagging breasts which could be interpreted as “tits” if one has the slightest imagination.

I have lived on this street for over 35 years and these guys have been torso naked in the hot weather ever since I moved here, granted, they were here first and I inadvertently chose these guys to be my neighbours because, when I visited the house before buying, I never thought to check if the folks next door were or were not wearing clothes, and it seemed like a decent neighbourhood.

My point is, I think there comes a time in our lives when the shirt or t-shirt should serve its purpose, which is to decorate your upper body with something more than discoloured, dark spotted, wrinkled, sagging and sometimes hairy skin. Some say it’s a question of intellect, in yet at least two of these neighbours are of university level education which intrigues me even more. And there are others I can see through my backyard hedge who seem to be associated members of the same torso exhibitionist club, albeit not of the same division.

If you’re on the beach in the Caribbean or in Florida or maybe any beach in the world you may expect to see such creatures frolicking in the ocean or lying flat out on a chaise-longue for some sun absorption but, in your own back yard, in your own driveway, or your own patio or deck? Really!

It’s no cooler; I know because I’ve tried it, I am hotter without a shirt than with one. People who live in deserts wear shirts or robes; that should be some kind of a hint!

To my dear neighbours, who ironically have become friends, please hear me out.

You’re not pretty, the girls in the hood aren’t looking, and neither is the guy next door’s wife, so hey, please get dressed, if not for me, then for no other reason than to make the street we live on a more civilized place.

Categories: Opinion

About Author

Job Patstone

Job Patstone was born in Hamilton, ON. and has lived in Montreal, Calgary, Edmonton and Red Deer AB. He is presently living in Quebec City, with his wife. He worked for Xerox for 26 years and was an ESL teacher for another ten.

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