The Eek People of Eek – Part 2 – A Higher Power

The Eek People of Eek – Part 2 – A Higher Power

By Jason Enlow

The Eek People and the People of Eek believed in the same higher power, but as you may have guessed, they had a difference of opinion. This was something Prince Quagmire planned to make use of in the future. He wasn’t sure how or when, but he had put up a pink ‘I Almost Forgot’ note to himself on the ornate mirror in his private palatial bathroom. The Eek People thought that their god should be known as the “Benign Intergalactic Goodness”, or B.I.G. The People of Eek wanted their god to be called the “Caring Host of Everything and Everyone for Eternity”, or C.H.E.E.S.E. . Clever acronyms were considered to be a sign of intelligence in the Kingdom of Kerfuffle. The, unfortunately named, Acronym Spirit Shout, was a festival that took place every year in the kingdom’s capital, Port Manteau. The winner went home with a very fine fruit basket.

Acronyms aside, the real sticking point, or what in centuries passed had caused the Eek People and the People of Eek to wage war on one another, was their interpretation of the sacred texts. During ritual ceremonies, the Eek people believed that the B.I.G. wanted them to stick their right foot in a bucket of water and leave it there. The People of Eek were convinced that it was the left foot and that it didn’t go in a bucket of water, it was supposed to be taken out. This disastrous debate started with a cave painting stumbled upon by Backpack Banana Brad. He was a larger than life figure who lived 500 years ago. His exploits are legendary, but it’s become difficult to know which are true and which have become tales of a whale. The prehistoric images depicting a very large and very bare foot were soon the topic of much conjecture. Scientists interpreted the pictograms that spiralled around the foot as “I put my right foot in”. Not soon after, a woman known as Muffin Mix Martha fell through the earth while picking liondandies. When she regained consciousness, she found herself beside a subterranean river and there, looking down on her from the rock wall was another foot painting. Scientists were quick to rush to the site of this new discovery and deciphered the ancient markings as meaning “I put my left foot out”.  There was some talk of a third foot painting being found and something was mentioned about “shaking it all about”,  but it was quickly forgotten.

Both the Eek People and the People of Eek considered themselves to be the chosen people of B.I.G. or C.H.E.E.S.E.. Brutal and bloody battles took place over hundreds of years as each side tried to forcefully convince the other to their way of thinking. Eventually everyone had had just about enough of going around with one sock on and one sock off all the time. The masses slowly started to turn away from the domineering puppets of the sock churches and became more interested in shopping for hydrolyzed beetle meat. There were still churches dotting the landscape but if they hadn’t already been converted to hives for Bumbling Busy Bodies, they were often used to dry the autumn harvest of Minty Seaweed Chew. Except during Great Disappointment Day, then the churches were filled to the gunwale glory sections! Great Disappointment Day celebrates how much the Eek People and the People of Eek have let the B.I.G.,C.H.E.E.S.E. down, mostly by not always being very neighbourly. It’s all very kitsch and tongue-in-cheek with everyone trying to outdo each other’s failures. For example:

“I was supposed to reprogram the Volcanic Core Heat Collector and Energy Diffuser before my mandatory abs training, but I figured it could wait…boy, was I wrong…but check out this six pack.”

“That’s nothing. I rolled over my wife’s stupid cat. It was lying under the tire of my FOFF (Flagrant Overuse of Fossil Fuels – what we call a car) and my butt was just starting to feel toasty from the seated heat. I just tossed that cattycake into the Organic Matter Converter.”

Well, you get the idea. Both the Eek People and the People of Eek loved Great Disappointment Day; lots of laughs and good for the economy. When you boil a cat down to it, people are all pretty much the same.  Things were looking good for a time back then. Unfortunately the problems between the Eek People and the People of Eek were just about to erupt.

The Eek People Eek – Part 1

Categories: News, Opinion

About Author

Jason Enlow

Jason Enlow is a Special Education Technician at an English elementary school. He was born in Montreal, Quebec and grew up in Burlington, Ontario. Jason studied Radio and Television at Ryerson University in Toronto. His previous employers include CityTV, CBC, The Weather Network, and Global Television. He’s worked as a DJ, camera operator, musician, teacher, translator and video game content designer. Jason moved to Quebec City in 1997 where he still lives today with his wife and three sons.

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